Lessons for ladies everywhere

Straight from the horses mouth, so to speak.

Fair play to him… at least he’s honest 😉 LMAO

iPhone App for Ex-Boyfriends

Remember this girl?

She’d probably love the guy who downloaded this app 🙂

Do you take cards?

I know a few people I’d love to give these bad boys out to. The perfect combination of lovely design, typography, stock and fabulous put-downs. I’m genuinely tempted to buy these first two…

Perfect for a night out in the Fair City. (Copyright: Gramkin Paper Studio)

To be handed out in restaurants & supermarkets the world over (Copyright: Gramkin Paper Studio)

All of them are from the rather delightful Gramkin Paper Studio who do a lovely range of personalised stationery & gifts, which you can buy from their Etsy store.

Now, if only I had the courage to hand these out to one or two folk…

Probably a step too far (Copyright: Gramkin Paper Studio)

I’m just not that mean though.

Just because

Wash my mouth out with soap?

Starting to think I should always have one of these stuck to me somewhere…

Yes, I'm Sorry... but I have the mouth of a Navvy.

Mrs Slocombe’s Pussy

Mollie Sugden died yesterday 😦

Growing up my family weren’t really massive watchers of Are You Being Served but I always had a bit of a fascination for her as Mrs Slocombe, in no small part because of her amazing barnet.

You might say there was a certain affinity there. My hair was, and still is, pretty spectacular both in terms of scale and gravity-defying abilities and hers was each of those things as well as being a myriad of colours to boot. What’s not to love?!

She was also more than a little prone to innuendo in her guise as Mrs Slocombe, much like my good self.

I’ve always said that when I’m older and probably no wiser, but my curls have turned from dark brown to a lack-lustre grey, I am going to have an absolute field day with the ole blue rinses etc. I fully intend to take a leaf out of Mollie’s book and dye my fading coiffure a rainbow of colours to brighten up my old age. I’m not exactly a wall flower in my younger(ish) years, so I see no reason that I’ll become one in later life.

So R.I.P. Mollie and thanks for giving us a few giggles along the way and for being somewhat of a “hairspiration” to me too.

Now if you don’t mind, “I’ve got to get home: if my pussy isn’t attended to by eight o’clock, I shall be stroking it for the rest of the evening to calm it down!”

Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For…

No, don’t worry this isn’t some kind of mentalist U2 appreciation post. I’ve just had a nosey at the terms that have brought people to my humble little blog and frankly, I’m a little concerned.

Regard!

1. “You are actually hot” – er, thanks. Always nice to get complimented
2. “Knee High Sports Socks”
3. “Help, the bus driver flirts” – Awwwww, do you not like him because he’s only a lowly bus driver, or is he a 20-stone, gap-toothed, sweaty, comb-over potential sex pest? Don’t be mean to the bus driver. Everyone deserves a little love, even gruesome bus drivers
4. Funny Hawaiian Shirt
5. Addicted to flirting
6. Grey Knickers
7. Curly Twat – Now I’m not sure if you landed here because I am a curly twat or because… oh, never mind… i don’t btw!
8. Kylie’s Face
9. Milky Knickers – wtf? My blog’s not the kind of thing you can buy, used in a Japanese vending machine you know!?
10. Legs Akimbo
11. Dude Girls – I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again.  I don’t have a cock, dammit!

Think I need to perhaps watch how I phrase myself in future. Or not, especially when I’ve had literally seconds of fun looking at these bad boys! LMAO! 😀

Let’s Dance

I saw this today on Iain Tait’s blog, Crackunit and love it. Never have I wanted to go stand on a steep hill and dance like a twat more so than right now.

I especially love the dude in the red second-skin trolleys & umbrella hat – if anyone knows him, you have my permission to give him my number 😉

Whoop whoop! Who’s coming dancing then?

Uppers

I am a bit all over the place this week after taking a fair old emotional kicking of late, what with one thing and another. I had planned to write a post about Bone Marrow transplants, and very probably still will, but it’s all a bit overwhelming at the moment so I’m going to hold off for a while.

So, I’m on the lookout for things to make me cheer-the-fuck-up. And rapidly.

Here’s a short list of things that have managed to spark a little seratonin production within my good self, so far today:

Comic goodness

Fluffy Evil Chicken Genius

The musical equivalent of  vodka – makes me feel a little smiley and also makes me believe that’s it’s OK to just get up & wipe my feet on the rhythm rug, regardless of where I am!

And because I will never ever stop laughing at the total whack jobs that go on Total Wipeout. I thank you all from the bottom of my heart for a) having no shame at all, b) giving it a go when it’s clearly doomed to fail (could teach us all a thing or two!) & c) making me think that actually I wasn’t as bad at P.E. as I thought at the time. To Total Wipeout contestants everywhere I salute you.

(apologies in advance for the god awful music though – sorry!)

Your business card is crap…

shit the bed! this guy’d probably chew my business card up and vomit it at me… in fairness, it is pretty shit though; no embossing, no die-cutting, no foil. i feel quite humbled  😉