Straight from the horses mouth, so to speak.
Fair play to him… at least he’s honest 😉 LMAO
Straight from the horses mouth, so to speak.
Fair play to him… at least he’s honest 😉 LMAO
…evidently doesn’t stay on tour, as my girlfriends have been pestering me to write a post about our recent weekend away to Galway. Now, I’d like to think this is testament to my writing skills and the fact that I’m funny as fuck, but as a group we do like to reminisce about good times, so I feel it’s more a case of them all wanting to have it all noted down somewhere for posterity and those times when they need a chuckle.
Further more, my memories of that weekend are seriously patchy in part, as my age is catching up with me and I now have a brain that turns to swiss cheese when I’ve been drinking. But here goes…
First of all let me introduce the key cast members*:
Fergie – Co-Lead
Martha – Co-Lead
Leona – Co-Lead
Anne – Co-Lead
Al – The Bar Tender
Noah – Boat builder
Hot Dude – a hot, er, dude
Joe – GAA Boy’s Younger Brother
The Krankees – Teeny, tiny couple that we saw everywhere
Rowley Birkin QC
The English Rose – Al the Bar Tender’s GF
*All names have been changed to protect the guilty
Now, I’m going to split this over a few posts because it’s just too long to put into one overall post – what can I say, we crammed a lot in. The chapters will be thus:
Friday – It’s Groundhog Day
Saturday – Coo Coo Ca Choo Mrs Robinson
Sunday & Monday – 15 Hour Party People
Try not to judge… it was probably much worse than I’ve been able to relay here.
Woohoo! My girlfriends are coming over this week and we’re all heading to Kinvara, Co. Galway for a weekend of fun & frolics.
Woohoo! Oh, I already said that, but fuck it I am excited, dammit!
I am so ready for a weekend with three of the funniest women on the planet. Sadly one of the world’s other top 5 funny women couldn’t make it as she’s doing a triathlon back at home – I know, I know, she’s mental, but we’re related so you’re not going to pretend to be surprised by that are you?
I like to think we’ll be really cool looking like Alicia Silverstone & Liv Tyler (and another hot mate like, er, Drew Barrymore or something) in the Crazy video, as we bounce over the potholes cruise along the road, but more than likely we’ll be doing stuff like this as we drive along.
Especially as we’re off to a hooker festival!
So, to get to the point (it always takes me a while), I’m pulling together a playlist of songs for us to singalong to. So far, tracks include, the following, but I would love to know if there’s a seriously awesome roadtrip track that you think I’m missing, please leave a comment below…
So, please let me know what songs you think we should add to the list – it’s a fair old drive, so we’ll need a few.
The light blue ones are the add-ons I’ve already received – thanks guys. More please, we want to be hoarse by the time we arrive 😉
In return I’ll share the embarrassing stories (about them, not me you understand) that occur over the course of the weekend and lead to pics like this and this. And if you’re lucky I might even tell you what the “Mystical Web of Secret Toilet Love Is” – needless to say it is already a Kinvara legend
Can you tell I’m looking forward to this trip much? Hmmm…
For years Ad Land has been unashamedly sexist. Practically every female-orientated brand has managed to portray Men as smelly half-wits who are incapable of doing the simplest of tasks, like figuring out how a fucking Air Freshener works, but don’t get me started on that particular brand – anyone been to Paul’s house recently? Apparently he’s a really smug little shit!
But now, it seems like the tables are turning and women are the new idiots on the block.
Now, I’m not going to try and rationalise a woman’s right to lust after shoes or even argue that there’s any perspective to it. I’m a self confessed shoe fiend and recently got very excited about the new shoe boxes I bought from Ikea that meant I could see all of my shoes at a glance and am currently wishing away what’s left of the summer so that I can go out and get myself a pair of these thigh-high boots for the winter. Yes I know they’re impractical. Yes I know I might end up looking like a hooker. But that’s part of their charm.
I would however, never do the following:
… all to get shoes from a truck!
FROM A FUCKING TRUCK!!
Fair play to the men of Ad Land for starting to fight back – you’ve had a hard time of it in recent years, but is this really how women are going to be portrayed?! Pesonally I think it just smacks of laziness, from the client and their agency alike. Women love shoes, ergo they will drop everything that matters to them to get their hands on a pair. That’s not an insight, it’s what happens when you leave naff all time to work on a brief and you know your client’s going to buy it because it’s “safe”.
And dooooon’t even get me started on the fact that none of these women has a decent job amongst them – the only one actually at work is a fucking Lollipop lady! (Though granted her response at the sight of said shoe truck does suggest a somewhat limited mental capacity and thus render her perhaps unsuitable for more complicated jobs – hell, she can’t even do this one properly!)
So it’s the middle of 2009 and where have we come since our fight for suffrage, keeping the country going through a world war and 40+ years of trying to break through the glass ceiling?! Well, we’re a bunch of dimwitted idots that will neglect our children, husbands, jobs (and I use the term job VERY loosely here) all to buy some fugly shoes from an out & out dickhead in a pimped-out Ice Cream truck?!
Well, not me thanks Buddy. I don’t care “how you roll” I’m not going to jump out of bed, hurdle over garden walls and into the path of oncoming traffic like some kind of vapid, shoe obsessed bint…
…well, not unless you’re giving these beauties away I’m not.
Starting to think I should always have one of these stuck to me somewhere…
The National Organisation for Marriage in the US, recently broadcast a Public Service Announcement campaigning against same-sex marriage, with the standard blah, blah, blah about faith etc as an excuse for their bigotry.
I’m not going to argue the rights or wrongs of same sex marriage here, it’s a weighty issue and frankly, this blog is supposed to be a light-hearted bit of nonsense.
What I will point out though, is that they think that allowing same-sex marriage somehow puts heterosexual marriages at risk. Now, someone could marry a their dog, or a fucking Real Doll for all I care, and it would have absolutely no bearing upon whether or not I decided that marriage was for me.
Personally I just think they’re worried that all those “gay folk” are going to out-do us straight types with more tasteful, better dressed, and more long-lasting marriages. That’s the real risk as far as I can see – gay men & women just being more successful at marriage than the rest of us, as frankly, we’re not doing tremendously well at it currently, what with almost 50% of marriages currently ending in divorce.
But, it seems I’m not alone in thinking that the NOM PSA is pretty riseable…
This poor guy. Clearly got it all going on from the neck down. But so fuck ugly he has to cover his face on the beach.
Now love, I’m not going to tell you that someone’s going to love you for what’s on the inside, because you’re clearly HIDEOUS and therefore the chances are slim. You might be able to get some action in specialist clubs etc but that’s about it.
I will give you a little bit of advice though; a non-porous fabric such as PVC or pleather, when worn so tightly over the afflicted area is just going to make it worse. Like when really fat people get mold or yeasty growths in their fat folds etc. Perhaps a hessian sack would be better!?
…well, no, not ME. It’s just what I imagine this dude really wants to do, given the opportunity.
This initially made me laugh and cringe in equal measure. But actually, no, I think it’s more cringe… er… hmmm… definitely more cringe. In fact I’m going to go & sit in the shower for about 3hrs to rid myself of the uncomfortable, slightly grubby feeling I now have.
OK, so that might be a slight exaggeration, but only slight mind you. I just don’t get it. Tennis just isn’t one of the sports where patriotism plays a massive part – except every time Wimbledon rolls around that is.
I mean, jeez, almost every girl I knew when growing up was a massive Steffi Graf fan, but I’m English, we’re supposed to hate the Germans, almost as much as we hate the French. It’s practically genetic. But no, we all loved her, and rightly so, she was fucking brilliant – and not bad to look at either to be honest (though that was more a justification for her male fan base than anything)
I just don’t think nationalism really has a place in individual sports. I tend to support whoever I think is the best player. I’ve supported tennis players who are American, German, Czech, Spanish, Serb/Hungarian (that’s Seles btw) and yeah, some British players (though never the faux British, but really Canadian ones. That frankly was a bit too desperate even for me). Over the last few years my favourite players have been Nadal & Djokovic for example. I like the way that they both play, I like the way that they handle the media circus around the game and the fact that they seem to genuinely appreciate their fans’ support.
All of which are totally unlike a certain spoilt, grumpy, android-esque Scottish/British player of note. Step up Mr Andy Murray.
Now, because I’m British I’m expected to want this moany arsehole to win Wimbledon, because that too is quintessentially British… er, I mean English… but he’s Scottish… Oh yeah, it’s British, definitely British.
Well bollocks to that thanks all the same. Why should I? He does absolutely nothing to evoke any support from me whatsoever. Now, I could bring up the whole “I’ll support anyone that’s not England in the World Cup” story… and in fact I just did.
So let me get this straight, you hate England but you’re still British, standing shoulder to shoulder with England, Wales & Northern Ireland? Ooh, what’s that smell in the air? Oh that’s it, it’s the distinct whiff of hypocrisy there methinks.
But it’s not just that. He’s a miserable sod. Watching his match last night he was struggling to beat (the totally unknown) Swiss player, Wawrink, yet the crowd on centre court were cheering him on as though he was already in the final and about to make all of their collective wet Tennis dreams come true. Cheering so loudly it’s going to put off the best of players, and no doubt affected Wawrink’s play. It sure as shit affected Murray’s.
So when asked by the BBC reporter at the end of the match how great it was to have this huge support, the guy could barely muster a good word to say about them and when he did he sounded almost as disingenuous as Tony Blair on a good day. He’s a fucking robot with the emotional capacity of Rainman. You might not like the support Andy, but don’t pretend you do. If you do like it, show it for fuck’s sake.
If he does win Wimbledon (and I am praying hard to mystical teapot orbiting the sun that he doesn’t) he won’t have the depth of emotion to cope with it – cue a monotonous acceptance speech and ENORMOUS anticlimax. As most of Britain, not just Scotland, but Britain, wanks themselves into a frenzy at this historic event and the BBC literally tear themselves in two from the sheer strain and effort of giving birth to a level hyperbole the likes of which we’ve never seen before and which may very well shift the earth off it’s axis, he’ll be struggling to elicit a tear, or a thanks, or anything of any note really.
I could go on and on for days, but I won’t. Can’t be arsed really. Needless to say I am counting the days until someone knocks the miserable prick out – either via a tennis match or even better, via a racket straight to the face. In the meantime I’ll be supporting the players that are well, just better.