Lessons for ladies everywhere

Straight from the horses mouth, so to speak.

Fair play to him… at least he’s honest 😉 LMAO

What Goes On Tour…

…evidently doesn’t stay on tour, as my girlfriends have been pestering me to write a  post about our recent weekend away to Galway. Now, I’d like to think this is testament to my writing skills and the fact that I’m funny as fuck, but as a group we do like to reminisce about good times, so I feel it’s more a case of them all wanting to have it all noted down somewhere for posterity and those times  when they need a chuckle.

Further more, my memories of that weekend are seriously patchy in part, as my age is catching up with me and I now have a brain that turns to swiss cheese when I’ve been drinking. But here goes…

First of all let me introduce the key cast members*:

Fergie – Co-Lead

Martha – Co-Lead

Leona – Co-Lead

Anne – Co-Lead

Al – The Bar Tender

Lovely Jim

Noah – Boat builder

Hot Dude – a hot, er, dude

GAA Boy

Joe – GAA Boy’s Younger Brother

The Krankees – Teeny, tiny couple that we saw everywhere

The Captain

Rowley Birkin QC

The English Rose – Al the Bar Tender’s GF

*All names have been changed to protect the guilty

Now, I’m going to split this over a few posts because it’s just too long to put into one overall post – what can I say, we crammed a lot in.  The chapters will be thus:

Friday – It’s Groundhog Day

Saturday – Coo Coo Ca Choo Mrs Robinson

Sunday & Monday – 15 Hour Party People

Try not to judge… it was probably much worse than I’ve been able to relay here.

“You’re on a gravy train with biscuit wheels”

I was going to make a joke about “…right up my alley”, but frankly it was too obvious and where’s the sport in that?! But, huzzah, I’m off to partake in a little sport this evening.

It's a small world when you've got unbelievable tits Roy.

The only sports I’m interested in are the ones with beer and er, rental shoes. Maybe not the rental shoes but definitely the beer. So tonight I’m gonna bust out my best Bill Murray moves, (hell, I’ve got the awesome coiffure), and score a turkey or two. Well, that or I’ll just look like a turkey.

Either way, look out for the balls a-flyin’!

Non-speccy two eyes

Sometimes, I am a total and utter numpty. Add to that the fact that sometimes I am a pathetic fashion victim and forget what I actually look like and that I don’t faff about at Parson’s School of Design in NYC during my 9-5, and you’re in for the odd fashion disaster from time to time.

Not tooting my own horn or anything, but I’m not usually what you might call sartorially challenged. I dress pretty well most of the time, or at least like to think so. So, I can only assume that I had some kind of brain fart when I chose to buy these from the lovely ASOS home of many a bargain for the budget-minded fashionista (god I hate that word!)

Photo Credit: Asos.com

Now, why would I do this? I have no fucking idea. I don’t even wear glasses, though I kind of wish I did, however, I digress. So, anyway there came a day when my super cool glasses arrived. Did I look any good in them? Did I heckers-like! I looked like a twat!

The glasses have gone back.